Winning

"Winning isn't everything, it is the only thing."
- attributed to Henry Russell Sanders

In a compromise, everybody loses.
- Erdmut

We all want to win, even the meekest among us. But what do we want to win? Do we even know?

Take for example, a married couple. She wants to go out to dinner every Friday. She desires the little luxury of not cooking, of having someone serve her for a change. He wants to come home and take his shoes and socks off, sit back and not have anything to do. They could both win, by either getting a divorce and doing what each wants on their own, or by not getting a divorce and doing what each wants on their own. That would not necessarily make either of the two happy about winning. One could give in and let the other win, that person would have some happiness, but the cost of the other's happiness might degrade the pleasure of winning.

A better solution may be for each to win, to have what each wants. Can we examine what it is that each really want in order to win even better? The desire for a little luxury, to have someone wait on us for a change isn't such a bad thing, but do we really need every Friday to become a ritual? Is the need for Fridays really a need, or just an unexamined impulse? Would it not be even more rewarding to go out less frequently, but to even nicer places where the waiter is even more attentive, or maybe the occasional bed and breakfast - let someone else make the bed! By not going out every Friday the same financial resources could be used to really enjoy a little luxury that truly lifts one out of the weekly grind. She may have to make dinner most Fridays, but why not something light, eat in the living room and watch a movie together together in our bare feet. Might that not be a bigger win? He might watch a chick flick with you for some popcorn.

For him, he may have to keep his shoes on occasionally, maybe put on a tie, or drive down the coast to that little country town with the B&B. But he is his wife's hero, and he did want that also. Forgot about that one, didn't you? That's a good win. Even if his wife is a good cook, how how often does she make Salmon Almondine or Chicken Marsala? Sounds better than an 8 ounce sirloin with overcooked vegetables and a baked potato, doesn't it? He doesn't have to fight the crowded roads and parking lots on Fridays, wait for an hour with noisy kids whinnig, or repeat himself for ditzy teenage blonde hostesses. If one of your goals is to not have to deal with the usual cattle calls, then this is a big win. ...and for movies, she likes anything with Harrison Ford or Sean Connery in it, there has got to be something good to watch, and sometimes there's popcorn.

Sometimes, we need to examine what we really want, not what we have decided to settle for. In this example, Friday is the token victory, what is being settled for. So many of the mindless masses have made Friday the holy grail of life, is it?

I don't look at this as a compromise. Compromises generally just cover up the fact that one side is just losing slowly. Go for the win.